I lost my last true friend last year.  Living the shit life taught me from day one you must have someone you can trust with anything.

So I’ve sought out people I can trust for years and years.  But over time your friends get whittled down by diseases, responsibilities, addictions, prosecutions and bullets.  And at a certain point you get down to one.  Then you try really hard to make that one more special.  You change yourself just to try to keep them around.  And if you don’t die first you eventually lose them.

And all those years you learned how to do things as a group of men turns into useless knowledge.

Is this why people strive to have kids?  So they’d have someone around to hold the 2×6?

img by orangeacid

I think I’m getting to the end of the rage about this whole situation.  I’m seeing new opportunities and that’s always cool.  But I’m not changing as fast or as radically as I thought I could.  I mean I’m still shifting radically compared to the rate of change my co-workers are going through.  My life is turning out to be something interesting but not at all revolutionary.  And that really kicks my megalomania in the nuts, I gotta tell you.  Not that it didn’t deserve it but you still hate to see anyone get kicked in the nuts.

I’m doing way more volunteer work than I’ve ever done.  But somehow it doesn’t seem to be enough.  So I keep trying.